


A Head Full of Harry's

by Kingsonne



Series: Loose Pages of Flourish and Blotts: One-shots and Prompt Responses [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 04:49:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29994153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kingsonne/pseuds/Kingsonne
Summary: When Harry Potter was hit by the killing curse in the Forbidden Forest, he found himself in a bright room, with a familiar face to explain things to him. That person was very much not Albus Dumbledore. Small crack-fic one shot.
Series: Loose Pages of Flourish and Blotts: One-shots and Prompt Responses [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2206326
Kudos: 5





	A Head Full of Harry's

Harry didn't recall opening his eyes, but he found himself in a brightly lit room nonetheless. It kind of reminded him of Gryffindor common room, and kind of like the ministry of magic. He looked around and saw, sitting in a chair, a man with messy black hair and glasses.

"Dad?" He asked hesitantly, "Am I dead then?".

"No Harry, it's me. You." replied the man, who turned, revealing Harry's same green eyes and lightning bolt scar. "And you have no idea how complicated of a question that is."

"The Deathly Hallows Harry. Dumbledore set you on their path, and you collected and mastered them all. Right? Right. Wonderful plan, worked very well, too well I might add. You see, Death is an almighty and god awful bastard." He sat back in his chair, staring at the ceiling, as if this was something he had done before and was bored of.

"Exactly Harry, I have done this before, oh so many times. As I was saying, Death is an unmitigated cunt. The Hallows themselves weren't rewards or gifts, they were curses. The wand, of course, gets its user killed for it and the stone convinces people to kill themselves. The invisibility cloak in the tale seems like the winning Hallow, but the youngest brother greeted death like a friend, someone he was familiar with. The cloak draws the attention of death to those around you."

Harry nodded, thinking of his parents, Sirius, Remus, Tonks, Fred, Hedwig, Dobby, and all of the bodies he had seen in the Great Hall.

"To be Master of Death then" the other Harry continued, "is to gain control over the Hallows, to use them, to face and accept death. What you did. What we did. Unfortunately, Death has rejected us. We cannot die. We can never move on to be with our loved ones."

"You have a choice Harry, you can go back and finish the fight, or you can go back any other time, popular ones are fifth year, and before first year, though we have done birth plenty of times as well, or you can stop, and one of the other Harry's takes dibs on the next cycle."

"Other Harry's?" Harry asked, confused to say the least.

"Oh yes, other Harry's. We've been doing this for countless lifetimes. Thousands and hundreds of thousands of times. We've gone quite insane from it actually. Gone insane and then gone so far beyond insane we came back into sanity. So many lifetimes lived with the memories of the other lifetimes before, it was quite miserable to be honest."

The Other Harry led them down a never ending hallway lined with doors.

"With that many lifetimes we became quite proficient at magic, all of it in fact, but mind and soul magic first. This place we are in is our mind construct. We built it eons ago to separate our existences. You see, we are all Harry, we are all "The Real Harry", but we definitely don't agree on things. So when we are ready to die as much as we can, we decommission the consciousness and store it and its memories here."

He motioned to a door at random. "This Harry was one of the countless ones born without any memories of our other lifetimes, like you. Born, lived, defeated Voldemort the same way you did, went back to the Forbidden Forest without memories of this place, lived the rest of his life, and died again."

"Most of the Harry's like him don't want to go back a second time. Don't want to be a child again, or face loved ones knowing that they are going to never move on with them. So they choose oblivion, and are stored."

"We've had quite a few redo lives. I said hundreds of thousands of lifetimes but we really can't be sure about before the construct. Remembering countless lifetimes is stressful, and knowing us, we probably figured out a way to erase everything at least a few times before we figured this system out."

"It's almost guaranteed in fact."

He pointed to a branch of the hallway full of doors.

"This wing is full of Harry's that self obliviated during their lifetimes when the memories were too much. Makes sense that we would have done it before the system was in place."

"Some of us don't feel like decommissioning, but we aren't ready to go back and live again, so we maintain this construct in the back of our heads constantly. Some of us watch, some plot, some play quidditch, some relive memories from their lifetimes, or compare with others. We have a council of Harry's that regulates who gets control of the body."

He pointed into a chamber where a dozen different Harry Potter's sat around a table arguing with each other. "They mostly do it to pass the time, since the rules have been established for as long as the construct. Last life gets first refusal on redos. That's you, if you want to go back as is to any timeframe, memories of this place intact or not, you can and no one gets to stop you."

They entered a library full of Harry's reading and studying. "If you want to do anything more complex, or have an idea of how to do life better, you get put at the back of the line. Everyones got ideas about how they'd like to do things next. What combination of memories will give the best life."

A group of Harry's studied together at a table "Take those us's, they are part of a group that think the perfect life for us comes through the right amount of conscious and subconscious knowledge that can prevent the deaths of our parents."

"Those blokes over there are fans of going in over powered, they all have their own idea of the best combination of natural skills, powers, and knowledge to bring back that will give them the best life. Spend their time studying other Harry's memories and planning what they want."

Another room was full of pensieves. "Some don't particularly care for reliving things just yet, but don't feel like studying either, they just want to watch memories from other lifetimes."

"Some of them are pretty entertaining, especially for Harry's like you. The ones where you get yourself placed with the Lovegood's somehow are always good for a laugh, while Slytherin Harry's can be best for drama."

"If you want wish fulfillment there are plenty of Harry's that have gone back, slaughtered all of the death eaters by age 5 and go on to be the suavest ladies man that Hogwarts has ever seen, building a harem of beautiful girls."

Harry stared at the other Harry in disgust. "I know. I know. You're not that kind of Harry, not this version. You're one of the Originals. We don't get many of you anymore, pure, no-memory, Harry's that live life the same as the first time we did this. Usually there is someone ready with their idea, so it takes quite a few lifetimes for one of you to come up."

"I'd stay away from this wing." He said, pointing to a dimly lit corridor. "We've gone dark plenty of times and the Harry's there are rather depressing. It's not like they can hurt you or anything in here, but knowing what they've done usually messes up Originals and few-lifetime Harry's to the point that they need to be decommissioned."

Harry, the real Harry, or at least he still thought of himself that way, though he supposed most of these versions of him did as well, paused. "What are you waiting for?"

"Oh me? I'm next in line if you don't want to go back, no pressure though, the longest record for continuous lifetimes without decommissioning or hopping into the queue to develop a new idea is only four lifetimes, so I'm good to wait. I've already got everything figured out and ready to go."

The other Harry seemed eager to explain his brilliant plan, and Harry motioned for him to continue. Which he did, a shit eating grin on his face.

"Going back as a nine month old - before the Death Eater attacks that took out our grandparents but old enough to move around. I'll be keeping a selection of memories of the other Harry's who've fought Voldemort around this timeframe through time travel or other methods so I'll know what to expect. A number of Harry's have worked out a recipe for a temporary aging potion that can be brewed with ingredients in the cottage."

I'll wake up in the middle of the night, brew the potion, age up, break into Ollivanders for my wand, steal some blood quills from the ministry, enchant them with compulsion charms to confess crimes, distribute them to the death eaters, kill Peter before he has a chance to betray anyone so everyone can remember him as he used to be, kill Umbridge because I am tired of her fucking things up for every goddamn Harry, obliviate the prophecy from Dumbledore and the Potter's minds, destroy the copy in the Department of Mysteries, round up all of the horcruxes, destroy them, stage a public battle with Voldemort under disguise, kill him, fake the death of the hero that saved everyone, cast the timed obliviate we invented 300 lives ago, drop the wand back off at Ollivanders, sneak back into the cottage right as the potion reverts and the spell resolves."

"Boom. Perfect childhood with no Voldemort or blood purists, parents and grandparents alive, no fucked up memories of any other Harry's lives."

The other Harry leaned against a wall, breathing heavily after saying his master plan in one breath, a manic look in his eyes.

"Oh, by the way, you need to decide soon. Time works a little differently here but you can't take too much time deciding if you're going to go back to the moment you "died." I'm assuming that's what you want?

Harry was having a hard time speaking and wasn't even sure he was capable of doing so. He felt his forehead, certain his brain had to be overheating from attempting to process everything.

"Tell you what, I've seen guys like you before. I'll set you up with the standard package, you just nod if that's okay, alright?

He looked down at a clipboard that had appeared in his hands.

"Alright, lets send you back, 5 seconds after getting hit by the killing curse. No memory of this place or how things work for us yeah? Yeah. Lets see… Ah, yes, used this one quite a few times. False memory nonsense of a talk with Dumbledore where he explains half of the things you have questions about, dodges the rest, and leaves you practically as confused as before."

He looked up from his clipboard. "I'm going to mark you down to remember this conversation next time you die alright? That way I don't have to do this again with you. Alright. Now just nod to say you accept these terms and conditions for your enrollment in the Harry Potter Master of Death Mental Construct Memory Recycling Program."

Harry jerked his head slightly, which was about the best he could manage.

"Perfect." continued the other Harry, "With the current lack of changes for this life we will expect you back in 135 years. Have a nice life and see you soon. Concentrate briefly on the concept of life to continue with the process."

The other Harry saluted him briefly, and then there was nothing, and then there was the forest floor.

_He was laying facedown on the ground again. The smell of the forest filled his nostrils. He could feel the cold hard ground beneath his cheek..._


End file.
